The Supremes Discover a New Reality
So today the Supremes ruled that corporations were persons, the same as you and me. Yup. ‘Strue. 5 of the 9 said so with a perfectly straight face.
Some observers have been taken by surprise at this flagrant flouting of reality. Maybe you’re among them.
Shocked, are you? Dumfounded that artificial legal creations that can’t be born, die, breed, breathe, eat, pee, poop, laff, cry, think, dream, or get hired, fired, or shit-faced drunk — but which CAN’T ever go to jail — have exactly the same rights under the US Constitution as us biological types? Including, most notably, the right to pour bazillions of dollars into political campaigns? (Oh, yeah, EXACTLY the same as you and me there, right?)
If you spend more than about 10 seconds thinking about it, you’ll realize that corporations vs. people isn’t even in the same league as apples vs. oranges or cats vs. dogs, it’s more like statistics vs. beauty or Jupiter vs. purple or minestrone vs. ouch — they don’t even share any CATEGORIES.
It’s not as if we couldn't have seen it coming. For years, a substantial fraction of the American population has been perfectly willing to believe that:
• Climatologists employed by ExxonMobil are just as credible as those working for the IPCC.
• Ditto for cancer researchers funded by the Tobacco Institute as opposed to NIH.
• Fetuses are indistinguishable from actual human beings.
• But gay people are clearly subhuman.
• Suspicions about WMDs are just as good as live video of them.
• Jesus speaks to me personally (and fortunately he already agrees with everything I believe).
• If the president does it, that means it's NOT illegal.
• Why do I need those civil liberties? I wasn't using them anyway.
• Both tubs of movie popcorn have free refills, but the $5 one is a better deal than the $3 one.
• 200,000 people are wiped out in a tsunami, but the fluke survival of 2 infants is a miracle; thank you, God!
• We couldn’t claim we’re “fair and balanced” unless it’s true, could we?
• The check is in the mail.
• I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you.
• I promise I won't come in your mouth.
• MY kids are just going thru a phase, but YOURS are on the road to hell.
• Would I lie to you?
• Trailer-park residents in Kansas have more to fear from terrorists than tornadoes.
• No, honey, those jeans don’t make your ass look fat.
• No matter how fucked up politics makes the legislative and executive branches, at least the judicial branch can always be relied on to take a calm, dispassionate look at the great principles involved and make a sane, prudent decision.
Critical thinking? That would be great, but right now I’d personally settle for ANY kind!
Some observers have been taken by surprise at this flagrant flouting of reality. Maybe you’re among them.
Shocked, are you? Dumfounded that artificial legal creations that can’t be born, die, breed, breathe, eat, pee, poop, laff, cry, think, dream, or get hired, fired, or shit-faced drunk — but which CAN’T ever go to jail — have exactly the same rights under the US Constitution as us biological types? Including, most notably, the right to pour bazillions of dollars into political campaigns? (Oh, yeah, EXACTLY the same as you and me there, right?)
If you spend more than about 10 seconds thinking about it, you’ll realize that corporations vs. people isn’t even in the same league as apples vs. oranges or cats vs. dogs, it’s more like statistics vs. beauty or Jupiter vs. purple or minestrone vs. ouch — they don’t even share any CATEGORIES.
It’s not as if we couldn't have seen it coming. For years, a substantial fraction of the American population has been perfectly willing to believe that:
• Climatologists employed by ExxonMobil are just as credible as those working for the IPCC.
• Ditto for cancer researchers funded by the Tobacco Institute as opposed to NIH.
• Fetuses are indistinguishable from actual human beings.
• But gay people are clearly subhuman.
• Suspicions about WMDs are just as good as live video of them.
• Jesus speaks to me personally (and fortunately he already agrees with everything I believe).
• If the president does it, that means it's NOT illegal.
• Why do I need those civil liberties? I wasn't using them anyway.
• Both tubs of movie popcorn have free refills, but the $5 one is a better deal than the $3 one.
• 200,000 people are wiped out in a tsunami, but the fluke survival of 2 infants is a miracle; thank you, God!
• We couldn’t claim we’re “fair and balanced” unless it’s true, could we?
• The check is in the mail.
• I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you.
• I promise I won't come in your mouth.
• MY kids are just going thru a phase, but YOURS are on the road to hell.
• Would I lie to you?
• Trailer-park residents in Kansas have more to fear from terrorists than tornadoes.
• No, honey, those jeans don’t make your ass look fat.
• No matter how fucked up politics makes the legislative and executive branches, at least the judicial branch can always be relied on to take a calm, dispassionate look at the great principles involved and make a sane, prudent decision.
Critical thinking? That would be great, but right now I’d personally settle for ANY kind!
posted by Richard S. Russell | 5:26 PM
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