Your Economic Stimulus Payment

Not original with me, but well worth passing along:

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Your Economic Stimulus Payment

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q&A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.


Now I will give you some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

• If you spend that money at Walmart, all the money will go to China.
• If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.
• If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
• If you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
• If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.
• If you blow it on coke or heroin, it will go to Colombia or Afghanistan.
• If you get useless crap, it will go to Taiwan.
• And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales; going to a baseball game; or on prostitutes, beer, wine (domestic ONLY), bribes, or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Sent by a concerned citizen dedicated to supporting American free enterprise at the personal level.

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(1) Kush created the entire universe and all the laws that make it work (such as 1+1=2).
(2) This doesn’t include the laws of economics; even Kush doesn’t understand how they work.
-- The Sacred Book of Kush, Chapter 3