Climate-Change Deniers in Stalingrad

Remember the Battle of Stalingrad during WW2? The German juggernaut ran into a ferocious rear-guard action from the Soviet defenders who battled street by street, block by block, building by building, always moving back only a notch before fighting even more fiercely from the next fortified position behind them. The battle had a foregone conclusion, but that didn't stop the fanatical defenders from laying down the last Russian life over the last inch of Stalingrad.

So it has been with climate-change deniers. Here are the rallying cries that their commissars passed down to them — faithfully, frequently, and loudly chanted by the troops each time they were forced to move back another next block.

What's global warming?
There is no global warming.
You're making that up.
That's a hoax.
That's the biggest hoax ever perpetrated.
There's a conspiracy to promote this stupid hoax.
Sure, there are seasonal fluctuations. So what?
We've had long stretches of abnormally warm weather before.
What makes you think the glaciers are retreating?
Well, that's not ALL glaciers.
OK, nice photos, but the polar ice cap hasn't budged.
Are you going to listen to those crazy tree-hugging alarmists?
That wasn't what those very same scientists said 5 years ago.
Look at these e-mails where the conspirators discussed their research.
Scores of climatologists disagree.
It's not as bad as they're claiming.
So there's open water in the Arctic; Greenland's still all ice.
It's going to take a long time to be noticeable.
The UN. Aren't those the black-helicopter guys?
What difference will it make to the average joe?
It's not QUITE as bad as they're claiming.
Dozens of climatologists disagree.
Solar cycle.
The polar ice cap grew ALMOST all the way back this winter.
We'll have centuries to get ready.
1 degree? You're getting excited about ONE DEGREE?
Al Gore doesn't deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.
It's preposterous to think that humans can affect the whole planet.
El Niño.
It'll barely be noticeable in our lifetimes.
A dozen climatologists disagree.
It's a plot by Big Environment.
2 degrees? Over HOW long?
Well, there's nothing WE can do about it.
Sunspots.
Humans are small potatoes in the overall scheme of things.
This will take decades before it affects us.
Not all climatologists agree.
Do you have any idea how much money you're talking about?
It can change 30 degrees overnight. What's a mere 3 degrees?
Volcanoes.
I'm shoveling snow today. Global warming, ha ha ha!
The effects of humans have been exaggerated.
Look, here's a climatologist who disagrees.
Al Gore flies in corporate jets.
There's nothing we can do about it.
China.
Humans are adaptable.
We've got years to get ready.
4 degrees? Is that like 7 degrees of separation, ha ha?
We don't want to act too hastily.
If it's not primarily our fault, why should we pay for it?
It's wonderful that the Northwest Passage has finally opened up.
Let's not get carried away listening to only one extreme.
Scores of climatologists think we can save Holland.
Benghazi! Gun-grabbers! AP! IRS! Squirrel!